I get too overwhelmed by the joy that is their child through their eyes. I lose all the affirmation that I am doing alright with my son. It’s like looking into a cracked mirror with the silver wearing off the back. There are holes in the reflection and it’s all distorted.
Yes, distorted. I think I will have a post for my depression blog tonight.
I love my son deeply. I have devoted my life to raising him, homeschooling him, teaching him the way that I feel God is leading… and then I get to this point where I let him run around in his pajamas all day and play video games while eating junk food. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I am helpless to change it.
He is learning so much…like he showed his father that he knows how to walk with scissors safely. He has been honing his cutting skills with said scissors. He can cut simple shapes with ease. His creativity is off the wall. He was painting on his new easel and made these beautiful abstracts. He drew a picture of us as a family with his markers on his new construction paper. He is all about figuring things out. Sometimes I don’t feel that I have a hand in that. Like I’m just letting him run willy nilly around the house with no direction or purpose. I guess this is what unschooling feels like sometimes. He is learning, though. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak. He is full of answers and questions. He soaks in the world. How can this be wrong when he is learning so much?
Then there is the frustration factor. You know, when you get to that point where the littlest thing they do or say will make you lose your religion? Oy ve. What am I going to do?
One Comment
Children do not need to be taught, they learn all the time. One of the amazing things about the school system is that it manages to knock love of learning out of children!!
What kids need is a family sround them they love and trust. Everything else is a bonus.
And yes they drive you nuts. Lose your religion? Count yourself lucky – they make me lose braincells too!
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[...] My biggest problem now is that Boomer and Maggie are high school age. I’m not sure I can teach them what they need since I can barely remember most of what I learned in high school. But gee, I’d certainly like to try. Knowing that Suni sometimes gets distracted but always takes such pride in her son, I’m thinking that maybe I actually could do it. [...]